Having to come back to reality.

A few weeks ago my maternity leave bubble was rudely popped by an email that I received from my manager. My maternity leave is not due to finish until the end of July and then I have a months leave booked, so I was quite put out when I opened the email to see work related questions. 

As well as my normal working hours I do extra and work nights and weekends. This also includes bank holidays and is all kept under control by a separate out of hours rota. It’s currently not compulsory and for the life of me I can’t really think why I do it, I suppose the money is the main draw. It was the nights and the weekends that my manager was most interested in. A new rota is currently in the process of being drawn up and he “didn’t want me to lose out” so he was asking what I would like to do. Would I like to reduce the number of nights that I do, have a month or so off the rota to get myself back into the swing of things and get my confidence back or just get straight back into it? He seemed to be missing one important option. Not continuing with the nights at all, but that would benefit me not him. I was supposed to think about it and get back to him.

This email has brought me back to reality with a massive thump. There are so many things to think about and it all makes me feel a little queasy, so I have been burying my head in the sand. I have really enjoyed my time off with the little lady and the thought of going back to work and leaving her is one that fills me with dread. I’m pleased that I feel like this now because in the first tough weeks when I doubted my abilities to look after her I suggested to Mr K. that maybe he should stay at home and I should go to work, I’m glad that he never took me up on this. Not only do I have to think about work there’s also childcare (another thing that fills me with dread).

We are very luck that my mum lives close to us and is going to be amazing and look after the Little Lady but I don’t feel that it would be good (or fair) for her or the Little Lady if she had her full time. So for some of the week the Little Lady will go to nursery. My head tells me that she will love it. She is fascinated by other children and loves to try and get their attention but my heart says “How can you leave her? You’re going to miss so much” The other thing that bothers me is that if we put her in a nursery close to home she will have to be in nursery for 10hrs a day, is it me or does this seem like such a long time for a baby? We don’t expect older children to stay in school for 10hrs but it is fine for a young child to spend this time in childcare. The other thing is do I try to make this time less and put her in a nursery close to work ……….. AHHHHHHHH!! With this floating around in my baby addled irrational head I am still yet to find a nursery. Mr K. and I really need to get ourselves into gear and go and have a look at a few, hopefully this will ease some of my fears (I don’t know what I’ll do if they make them worse).

Now is definitely the time to think about doing something new that will allow me to be with the Little Lady but also mean that I am still earning …. don’t want too much hey?! I’ve wanted to make a change to my career for a while now but have been too lazy to make any proper changes, now I have a fantastic motivator to give me the push that I need.



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